You know you’re a 90s kid when you can’t stop thinking about the 90s!
And you know you’ve become a 90s adult when the ceaseless forward movement of time pulls you further and further away from that glorious decade and the harsh realities of the universe reveal themselves in your somber visage as you stare at your dull reflection in the cracked plastic of an old Pearl Jam CD and mournfully whisper, “Don’t call me daughter.”
Anyway, the point is a lot of people have said a lot of things about the 1990s, but I think this comprehensive review of the top ten BEST years of the 1990s will get some clicks make a substantive contribution to our appreciation of this beloved decade.
10) 1990.
It was pretty good. But let’s be honest, it still had some 1980s in it. Guns N’ Roses was still a respected band and Clinton wasn’t even President yet. If you said “Where’s The Beef?” people would still laugh even though that was a reference from the stupid 1980s.
9) 1995.
Meh. First off, the word “meh” wasn’t popularized in this year so that’s a strike against it. Also, the James Bond movie GoldenEye was released. In the face of the first wave of political correctness, the film grappled with the question: Is James Bond still relevant in a post-Cold War world? JAMES BOND MOVIES ARE STILL TRYING TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION 20 YEARS LATER, SO WAY TO DROP THE BALL, GOLDENEYE.
8) 1997.
Batman & Robin came out and our cries of pain merged with the screams of all the modems trying to connect to the internet. But the GoldenEye video game came out and we all played Odd Job and threw our deadly hats into our opponents’ crotches so there was that.
7) FRIENDS.
While not technically a year, it’s still one of the best parts of the 90s. Haircuts, relationships, that monkey, how YOU doin’? CLASSIC.
6) 1998.
I got set-up on a blind date at a rave. My date took a bunch of Ecstasy and threw up on my shoes while we were dancing. I cleaned my shoes off, went home, and watched an episode of Chris Carter’s non-X-Files show Millennium on a videocassette. A VIDEOCASSETTE. FUCK YOU, 1998! FUCK YOU ON A STACK OF BROKEN AOL DISCS!
5) 1991.
People listened to Ice Ice Baby non-ironically. What more is there to say?
Al Gore also invented the internet this year though so that bumped it up on the list.
4) 1999.
People were afraid computers wouldn’t know what year it was and the world would end so we all bought a lot of cans of creamed corn and danced to a Prince song from the 1980s. A bunch of assholes didn’t go see Office Space or Iron Giant in the theater making 1999 truly the year of the asshole.
3) 1993.
Bill Clinton played a saxophone and the American dream was reborn. Jurassic Park lied to us about raptors and we dried our tears on flannel shirts. But pagers were still around, so.
2) 1992, 1994, and 1996
It’s impossible to choose between these years because my life generally goes better in even numbered years and I also don’t want to spend a bunch of time verifying what happened in which year on Wikipedia, but basically Pokemon, Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards, the LA riots, The Simpsons but when it was good, the Macarena maybe, Pulp Fiction, Snoop Dogg, Kramer opens doors funny, Saturday Night Live maintained the same relative quality based on your age and experience with comedic tropes that it has had for its entire 40 year run, some sports teams won things, and people still regularly put two or more spaces after a period. It was great. Really, really great. It was.
1) 2015.
That’s right! 2015 is the number one best year of the 90s. We’ve learned a lot about the 90s since the 90s and in our wisdom we can now have a more perfect 90s. Better Clinton, better X-Files, the 90s-born phrase “Bye, Felicia” has reached the zenith of its power, if we squint we can pretend Colin Hanks just IS Tom Hanks, and more than anything we can pop on our cool rose-colored glasses and cherry pick the best moments of an otherwise normal decade where our collective interest in pop culture began to circle back in and devour itself.
FUCK YEAH, THE 90s! MODEM NOISE!
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